Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
