Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
