after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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