I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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