I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
