We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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