So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
