Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
