I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
