I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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