We should be called the Road Head Warriors
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
