Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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