Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
