I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
