Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
