I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
