i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
