I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
