mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
