I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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