I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
