meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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