You're my little dorito
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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