I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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