Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
