i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
