I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
