Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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