It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
