I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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