I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
