Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
