I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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