I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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