I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
