It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
