last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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