Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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