You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
pray to the hookup gods
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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