big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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