i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
