Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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