After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
