Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it's like iHOP with fire
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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