I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
