he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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