she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
