just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
