Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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