she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
