You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
