ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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