I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
