I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
